Well written, realistic and very relatable. I've had friends like the one Brenda did and soon we fell out of contact. I genuinely try when I make connections but if I see the other person doesn't care, I stop trying after a time. Any connection is not a one-way street.
Just broke my Kelly cherry. Can you believe this is your first post I've read? No? Neither can I. I'm an idiot, what other explanation is there?
Let's face it. Who hasn't had a friend like Leta? Technically not a bad friend, but also not entirely good. I've had a couple and yeah when the going got tough for me and they were still insincerely how-are-youing me with no follow-ups, it just left a really bitter taste in my mouth, which turned sour, and so did the friendship. I just charged it to "falling apart" phenomenon. It happens.
Funny, witty, awkwardly realistic. Yeah, my kind of thing. Thanks.
Great read, and funny! Always love your stuff. Been in this situation with high stakes three times last year. Ended up in tears everytime. Really confusing.
I'm terrible at spotting red flags...in fact the people I'd chosen to confide in betrayed and backstabbed me so badly I ended up blaming it on my autism. It must be my fault, as no one can misread people that badly, right? Biggest lesson was "I love you" does not mean they actually care at all. Anyways fuck your Leta and mine! may we find the people we deserve ❤️
Urgh, one shitty friend is too many, let alone three! I don't even think it's something we're doing wrong. You can think you have a great person beside you, then one day they're not. Best not to take it personally and not give up! At least we have each other lol
Dude, I know! For sure at first I was super sad for the betrayal and loss of friendships but then decided these are just people who are acting in line with their own interests, insecurities and capabilities (or lack of). It's got nothing to do with me (other than my naive choice to overlook a few clues that they were not true friends). But yes, you've got me! ❤️
Thanks for this honest look at friendship. In today's world it goes both ways, but not good in either.
My wife helped a gal daily for 10 years. My wife was the best friend you could ever imagine. Always ready to help. Always asking the second and the third question. Ready at any time. Even after 10 years, this gal told her neighbors my wife was an "aquaintence". She never called my wife her friend. Sad.
My wife has been suffering some health problems. Many people my wife had called friends disappeared. Quit calling. Quit answering my wife's calls. A very small number of true friends revealed themselves, which made me unbelievably happy. But the tiny number who asked the second question, who were ready to assist at 2 AM, was a very small number. That saddened me.
Crap! I’m so sorry you went through this. The stress and the need for a kind ear is so important in times like these.
I know how you felt too well.
My mom died at the beginning of December. I knew the weeks leading up to Christmas were going to be hard, so I threw a cookie decorating party for my kids and their friends so my kids could have one kid friendly event that month amongst all the family drama. I was falling apart inside, but was doing everything possible to hold it together for the kids.
One mom who I never really clicked with, but who got herself ingrained in the group, dropped off her kids and wanted to talk about herself. When I told her my mom died, she dismissed it, then moved on to other moms to talk about herself. She then left and was the last to pick up her kids from my house. I haven’t spoken to her since.
I like to give, but the moment I feel that a relationship is one sided, I drop it. The other person is usually confused because I never come out and say “I prefer reciprocal relationships” but in my mind, the golden rule is gold. I treat people the way I want to be treated. Others should expect to get what they give too.
Sorry about your mother. Can't get over how oblivious that other mum was. Most people are aware when someone is hogging the room so hopefully everyone slagged her off after 😂
You're so right about reciprocity! It's a given for me too and confusing when it isn't for other people
Yeah, my sister is delightful, incredibly good at getting people to talk and asking questions. She often tells me, I wish people asked me a question.” It’s so sad. Especially when you see it in person. People love the spotlight and don’t want to share it.
I hope you’ve found other friends who genuinely want to hear how things are going and support you. ❤️ You deserve it 🤗
I'm so sorry you have a friend like that. also sorry you're dealing with parental medical issues, it's so stressful. I had a similar situation with a friend, I'm attaching the post, would love your thoughts!
Yeah, the second question usually never does. It's usually a "k". Or a topic change.
I have, or used to have, bar friends. Unsober soulmates! The world-changing conversations and confessions we had! And waking up to remember only a vague feel of them episodes. We never met or spoke otherwise.
True friendship is a rare find. Like Platinum? 🤷♂️
Omg bar friends! I feel like this needs to be a screenplay. Bet you have lots of material. If you can remember it 😂
The Platinum friendship trophy IS rare. Definitely harder to find as an adult too. Best stick to the gameplay version and save ourselves the hassle lol
It has been efficient to eschew "Friend" for the more reasonable "Horrible Truly Awful Person" moniker for over three decades. Even then sometimes they don't believe you.
That second question really is the quiet measure of presence. This made me think about how often friendship isn't tested by dramatic moments, but by whether someone stays curious when another person's world has suddenly become much heavier.
How ironic (still hate that word) that at the end of reading this, I clicked a little heart emoji-like thing.
The saddest thing about all this - Brenda is the odd one out. In the brave skewed world we live in, most people seem to be Letas, only caring about what works for them in this moment, and what they can get before anybody else.
I'm definitely with Brenda, permanently disappointed and disillusioned, and nobody gives a shit.
Well written, realistic and very relatable. I've had friends like the one Brenda did and soon we fell out of contact. I genuinely try when I make connections but if I see the other person doesn't care, I stop trying after a time. Any connection is not a one-way street.
Appreciate the read, Priya! Yep, it should go both ways shouldn't it. And if it doesn't, there's no point
Just broke my Kelly cherry. Can you believe this is your first post I've read? No? Neither can I. I'm an idiot, what other explanation is there?
Let's face it. Who hasn't had a friend like Leta? Technically not a bad friend, but also not entirely good. I've had a couple and yeah when the going got tough for me and they were still insincerely how-are-youing me with no follow-ups, it just left a really bitter taste in my mouth, which turned sour, and so did the friendship. I just charged it to "falling apart" phenomenon. It happens.
Funny, witty, awkwardly realistic. Yeah, my kind of thing. Thanks.
OMG, because where have you been all my life, Alex?! I love breaking cherries
Great read, and funny! Always love your stuff. Been in this situation with high stakes three times last year. Ended up in tears everytime. Really confusing.
I'm terrible at spotting red flags...in fact the people I'd chosen to confide in betrayed and backstabbed me so badly I ended up blaming it on my autism. It must be my fault, as no one can misread people that badly, right? Biggest lesson was "I love you" does not mean they actually care at all. Anyways fuck your Leta and mine! may we find the people we deserve ❤️
Urgh, one shitty friend is too many, let alone three! I don't even think it's something we're doing wrong. You can think you have a great person beside you, then one day they're not. Best not to take it personally and not give up! At least we have each other lol
Dude, I know! For sure at first I was super sad for the betrayal and loss of friendships but then decided these are just people who are acting in line with their own interests, insecurities and capabilities (or lack of). It's got nothing to do with me (other than my naive choice to overlook a few clues that they were not true friends). But yes, you've got me! ❤️
Loved this so much I DM’d you 😂
Really well done, Brelly.
...I mean Kenda...
😂😂
Thanks for this honest look at friendship. In today's world it goes both ways, but not good in either.
My wife helped a gal daily for 10 years. My wife was the best friend you could ever imagine. Always ready to help. Always asking the second and the third question. Ready at any time. Even after 10 years, this gal told her neighbors my wife was an "aquaintence". She never called my wife her friend. Sad.
My wife has been suffering some health problems. Many people my wife had called friends disappeared. Quit calling. Quit answering my wife's calls. A very small number of true friends revealed themselves, which made me unbelievably happy. But the tiny number who asked the second question, who were ready to assist at 2 AM, was a very small number. That saddened me.
Sorry for your wife's friends being shitty. I'm glad those few came through for you
Crap! I’m so sorry you went through this. The stress and the need for a kind ear is so important in times like these.
I know how you felt too well.
My mom died at the beginning of December. I knew the weeks leading up to Christmas were going to be hard, so I threw a cookie decorating party for my kids and their friends so my kids could have one kid friendly event that month amongst all the family drama. I was falling apart inside, but was doing everything possible to hold it together for the kids.
One mom who I never really clicked with, but who got herself ingrained in the group, dropped off her kids and wanted to talk about herself. When I told her my mom died, she dismissed it, then moved on to other moms to talk about herself. She then left and was the last to pick up her kids from my house. I haven’t spoken to her since.
I like to give, but the moment I feel that a relationship is one sided, I drop it. The other person is usually confused because I never come out and say “I prefer reciprocal relationships” but in my mind, the golden rule is gold. I treat people the way I want to be treated. Others should expect to get what they give too.
Sorry about your mother. Can't get over how oblivious that other mum was. Most people are aware when someone is hogging the room so hopefully everyone slagged her off after 😂
You're so right about reciprocity! It's a given for me too and confusing when it isn't for other people
Yeah, my sister is delightful, incredibly good at getting people to talk and asking questions. She often tells me, I wish people asked me a question.” It’s so sad. Especially when you see it in person. People love the spotlight and don’t want to share it.
I hope you’ve found other friends who genuinely want to hear how things are going and support you. ❤️ You deserve it 🤗
I'm so sorry you have a friend like that. also sorry you're dealing with parental medical issues, it's so stressful. I had a similar situation with a friend, I'm attaching the post, would love your thoughts!
https://katekara.substack.com/p/friends-with-conditions?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=179nz2
Yeah, the second question usually never does. It's usually a "k". Or a topic change.
I have, or used to have, bar friends. Unsober soulmates! The world-changing conversations and confessions we had! And waking up to remember only a vague feel of them episodes. We never met or spoke otherwise.
True friendship is a rare find. Like Platinum? 🤷♂️
Omg bar friends! I feel like this needs to be a screenplay. Bet you have lots of material. If you can remember it 😂
The Platinum friendship trophy IS rare. Definitely harder to find as an adult too. Best stick to the gameplay version and save ourselves the hassle lol
It has been efficient to eschew "Friend" for the more reasonable "Horrible Truly Awful Person" moniker for over three decades. Even then sometimes they don't believe you.
😂😂 Right?! Friends can hurt us more than anyone!
That second question really is the quiet measure of presence. This made me think about how often friendship isn't tested by dramatic moments, but by whether someone stays curious when another person's world has suddenly become much heavier.
And that's really all it is, right? Just proving your presence in the moments someone might need it. The second question means: Hi, I'm here
How ironic (still hate that word) that at the end of reading this, I clicked a little heart emoji-like thing.
The saddest thing about all this - Brenda is the odd one out. In the brave skewed world we live in, most people seem to be Letas, only caring about what works for them in this moment, and what they can get before anybody else.
I'm definitely with Brenda, permanently disappointed and disillusioned, and nobody gives a shit.
Am grateful for your heart, Nigel. Even if it was ironic.
Yep, a seemingly majority of selfishness is what inspired the piece, unfortunately.
We need to both take Brenda under our wing.
this whole thing just makes me cringe! as in it's so relatable it's uncomfortable lol and my response to this is: SIGH. PEOPLE. 😄
😂😂 Why's it so hard to be interested in other people?! God
RIGHT??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
🤣 (you can see this bothers me! lol)
😂😂 I feel like you've been a Brenda, too lol
Yes, yes I have! 😅😂